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Morning Jolt March 18, 2014 Always Read the Fine Print on Obamacare News! The happy headline, printed everywhere: Obamacare Enrollment Hits 5 Million! The Fine Print, Part One: "Officials have not said how many of those who have enrolled have paid their initial premiums.
The Fine Print, Part Three: Heck of a year for Obamacare; not only did it trigger the Lie of the Year, but opportunistic sleazebags — I mean the ones outside of Congress — used it for what the Council of Better Business Bureaus called, "The Scam of the Year."
"That's not the fault of the administration!" Democrats will scream. Yes, but enacting a massively complicated, confusing, constantly-changing piece of legislation that affects the health insurance and care of every American is pretty much setting the stage and opening the door for every shyster from Topanga to Berlin. The 2014 Governors Races That Aren't Actual Races Yesterday I mentioned that Nevada govenor Brian Sandoval heads into 2014's general election with no major competitors on the Democratic side. There are two other 2014 governors races where, so far, the state Democratic party has effectively chosen to concede. In Tennessee, incumbent Republican governor Bill Haslam faces a primary challenge… from a guy whose primary issue is that he wants the Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency to return his pet raccoon. You see, he really enjoyed showering with his raccoon, and no, that's not some obscure metaphor. Presuming Haslam can survive that challenge, he'll head to the general election Democrats have two guys no one has ever heard of and who have no websites, and Mark Clayton. No, not the Miami Dolphins receiver from the 1980s. He's run before, and embarrassed the state party last cycle, too:
Heck of a pick, Tennessee Democrats! I can see why you love this guy! The state's filing deadline is April 3, and the Tennessee primary is August 7. What's really remarkable is that from 2003 to 2011, Democrat Phil Bredesen lived in the governor's mansion, and he won 68 percent in his reelection bid in 2006. Breseden departs, and the bench is empty. It's a similar story in Wyoming, where incumbent Republican governor Matt Mead is still missing a Democrat opponent. (Superintendent of Public Instruction Cindy Hill is challenging Mead in the GOP primary.) Some may scoff, "it's Wyoming, the state of the Cheneys, of course the Republicans are dominant" — but Mead was preceded by Democrat Dave Freudenthal, who won narrowly in 2002 and then by a wide margin in 2006. Here we are, eight years later, and the Democratic bench for the top of the ticket race isn't just weak; it's nonexistent. For comparison, in Idaho, Democrats are running a member of the Boise school board against a two-term incumbent. At least he's done something and his campaign platform isn't primarily about fighting the vast conspiracies out to get him. There's one state where Republicans are still looking for a candidate: Vermont, where incumbent Peter Shumlin can pretty much schedule his inauguration ceremony for next year. For perspective, he's pledging the state will have single-payer by 2017, even though it's missing deadlines — sound familiar? — and other state Democrats are publicly expressing worries. Emily Payton's website lists her as a "Republican/Independent" but she clarifies on her blog, "After the primary she will continue as an Independent for Governor representing De Udder Party candidate." She also "insists a complete overhaul of US [sic] monetary systems is needed," which is a tall order for an aspiring governor of Vermont. The Green Mountain State already has a declared Marijuana Party candidate for governor. There are blue states where Republicans have some little-known candidates carrying their flag in the gubernatorial races, but few where their dearth of talent compares to the Democrats in Nevada, Tennessee, and Wyoming. In Maryland, where Martin O'Malley is term-limited, Republicans have county executive David Craig and state delegate Ron George, as well as businessman Larry Hogan and Charles Lollar. All underdogs, but at least some of those guys have run and won races before; Lollar's currently serving as a major in the Marine Corps Reserves as an intelligence officer. Serious guys. In Massachusetts, where Deval Patrick is term-limited, Republicans have 2010 nominee Charlie Baker, a former state cabinet official under governors Weld and Cellucci, and former CEO of Harvard Pilgrim Health Care, as well as Mark Fisher. In Rhode Island, where technically-independent Lincoln Chaffee announced he wouldn't seek a second term, Republicans have Cranston mayor Alan Fung and entrepreneur Ken Block. Fung, the first Asian-American mayor in the state, running Rhode Island's third-largest city, has been elected mayor three times and before that won a seat on the city council race. In California, Republicans have state assemblyman Tim Donnelly and former assistant secretary of the Treasury Neel Kashkari. It's understandable Republicans might want to write off a state that rejects Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman for Barbara Boxer and Jerry Brown, but neither one of these guys is likely to be an embarrassing amateur. You know who else is running for governor in California? Cindy Sheehan. I wonder if she wonders where the media went, and why they never call her anymore. Anyway, this gubernatorial crop is a good sign for Republicans; you want your best players out on the field, no matter the odds, because you never know when that heavy favorite might suddenly have a gaffe, get caught in a scandal, or somehow otherwise implode. And Now This (Fake-But-Accurate) Message from Your Local School District Yuppie Acres School District To: Concerned Parents Some of you have contacted my office with questions about our district's policy on inclement weather, or as those of you without PhDs in education policy management call them, "snow days." I understand there has been some discontent among you about the fact that your children have attended only four full days of school since Thanksgiving, with roughly fifty-four days of school canceled because of holidays, teacher training days, teacher retraining days, teacher conference days, inclement weather days, potential inclement weather days, and no-really-I-swear-I-saw-some-inclement–weather-coming-this-way days. I'm having difficulty understanding what you're whining expressing concerns about. Our closure rate is roughly in line with other school districts in the region. As of yesterday, on Irish-American Pride in Inebriation Day (we abolished the Christocentric label "Saint Patrick's Day" last year), public school districts in Arlington and Falls Church have missed nine school days; Alexandria ten, Fairfax 11, Prince William 13, Loudoun County 14 and Fauquier County marked its 17th snow day — er, inclement weather day this winter. I understand some of you are concerned that your children's education may be harmed by our willingness to cancel school over what we deem to be an excessively low dew point. I have heard a wide variety of complaints:
Here at Yuppie Acres, we have a pledge: "Education comes first." And it's not just a pledge; it's a slogan. However, the district's lawyers made us add an asterisk and offer another slogan with an equally proud and hackneyed tradition, "safety first." In inclement weather, kids could slip on ice. Or catch pneumonia. Or get frostbite. Or get hypothermia. Or there could be car accidents. Or yeti attacks. Or the kids waiting at the bus stop could be chilly. The possibilities are endless, and thus the possibilities of an expensive lawsuit are similarly endless. Part of the education lesson we like to teach children here in Yuppie Acres is about risk. We feel our closure policy effectively communicates a valuable lesson to all of our children: Never take a risk. This is a lesson that we hope they will take with them for the rest of their fearful, anxiety-ridden, heavily-medicated lives. It is times like this, when I hear ingrate parents complaining, that I thank Gaia for the monopoly we have on educating children. (I mean, you're not going to shell out to send your kid to private school, are you?) Friendly reminder: The lost-and-found box at the front of the school contains, at last count, 4,325 gloves, all for the left hand. From those vicious Obama critics at the, er… New York Times. "In virtually every foreign-affairs crisis we have faced these past five years, there was a point when America had good choices and good options. There was a juncture when America had the potential to influence events. But we failed to act at the propitious point; that moment having passed, we were left without acceptable options. In foreign affairs as in life, there is, as Shakespeare had it, 'a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood leads on to fortune. Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries.'" — a Wall Street Journal op-ed this morning by… Mitt Romney. To read more, visit www.nationalreview.com
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